If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
