literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
