If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
