Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
