I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
