What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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