i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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