No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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