He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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