You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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