I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
