i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
