I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
