dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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