you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
