Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
