Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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