So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
