Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
