i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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