We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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