Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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