It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they're like a gay fantastic four
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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