When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
