farters have to be the big spoon...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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