Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
