Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
