i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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