She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
