i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
