Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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