if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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