Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
