So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
