i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They took my balls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
