You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
