you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
