This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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