I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
