What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
