i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
