the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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