halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
