My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
