i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize