He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
