What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
