dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
