Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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