Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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