I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
