4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is my gift to your gina
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
