Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize