im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
