Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
