I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
